She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize