Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
