He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
