so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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