i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
