can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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