i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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