hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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