I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
