fuck your aforementioned shoe
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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