she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
