I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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