It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
