Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
