i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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