we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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