mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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