why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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