Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
