Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize