her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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