Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
