areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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