I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
