there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
