Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
