Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
