the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize