i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize