Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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