so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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