when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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