Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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