I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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