I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
