I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
