just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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