remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
