dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Damn victory sex feels great
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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