i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize