The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
