Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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