I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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