Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Pants are for mortals
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
