Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
