U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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