I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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