OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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