I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
