I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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