she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
