when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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