How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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