Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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