hell yes lets make some ravioli
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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