I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
