i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
