The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
