why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
