i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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