I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize