All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
