just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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