she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
