Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
