I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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