just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
