Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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