Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
