Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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