So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
